Cheesy Goodness
by OTP
Summary: This is a collection of drabbles based on word prompts. I will update whenever the mood hits me. Mostly Royai. Next up: Binoculars
1. Hairbrush

**Otp: Well, MSD gave me a prompt since I was bored and this is what I turned up. YAY! Lol this is just a collection of drabbles that I will update when I can or when the bunny attacks.**

**Disclaimer: I wish I may, I wish I might, I wish I owned FMA, but I don't....**

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Hairbrush  
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"Roy, have you seen my hairbrush anywhere?" Riza asked as she shuffled through her vanity drawers in their room. She was a wearing a black sleeveless evening gown and her hair was down.

Roy walked into the room dressed in his dress uniform. "I haven't seen it since this morning. Where did you leave it last?" he asked coming over to her side.

She continued to shuffle through the drawers. "I left it on the desk and now it's gone. Dammit, where'd it go?" she muttered angrily, slamming the drawer shut. She swept out of the room and into the bathroom.

As she began to tear up the bathroom, Roy decided to stay out of her way and headed into the living room to wait. Normally, he would be helping her, but when it came to either her hairbrush or her hair clip, she didn't like it when somebody touched them. He didn't know why but when he had asked her about it she had just said. "They were the only things that my mother left me," and so he didn't mess with them.

Back in the bathroom, Riza was sifting through the medicine cabinet, shifting the contents this way and that knocking over a bottle of nail polish remover. It dribbled into the sink leaving a nasty smell in the air. Riza growled in frustration and quickly righted the bottle and stuffed it back on the shelf before closing it roughly. Now she was looking at her visage in the mirror and she frowned.

'Stupid hair…' she thought angrily regarding her mussed up hair with disdain. It was all Roy's fault really. He had to get a little 'frisky' before they went to the party. Then again, she hadn't really refused his advances, but she hadn't really foreseen the consequences of their actions.

She closed her eyes trying to visualize where she had left her brush. 'Let's see, I got up this morning, came in here, brushed my teeth, took a shower, and brushed my hair. No matter which way you look at it the damn thing should be in here but it isn't! Where the hell is it?!'

Riza opened her eyes and looked down hoping to see her brush magically appear and she sighed not seeing it. She looked up at the clock and groaned. If she didn't hurry up they were going to be late and there was no way in hell that she was going to mar her perfect record just because she lost her hair brush.

She looked in the mirror once more and let out another frustrated sigh. 'But I _need_ it,' she thought and left the bathroom once again attacking the drawers in the bureau.

Meanwhile, Roy was sitting quietly in the living room wondering if Riza had found her hair brush yet. Judging by the time, if she didn't hurry up they were gonna be late and he knew how much she hated being late.

Sighing, Roy gazed down at Hayate who was sitting quietly on the floor in front of him chewing happily on a bone. He looked away and moments later his gaze went right back to Hayate. 'No way, is that what I think it is?' he asked himself leaning forward to examine the so-called bone that Hayate was enjoying.

Upon closer inspection, Roy discovered that the bone was in fact not a bone but Riza's missing hairbrush. He laughed out loud and he reached out to take it away from the dog. "Hayate, give. You know that doesn't belong to you. I don't think your mommy would be very happy if she found out that you had chewed up her hair brush," he said finally pulling the brush away from his jaws.

He stood up and walked back to the bedroom. He stood in the doorway and held it up. "Riza, I found your hairbrush." He said.

Riza turned around and rushed forward to grab it and then her frown deepened upon seeing the condition it was in. It had teeth marks all over it and it was all wet with dog slobber. In seconds Riza's expression went from relieved, to shocked, to livid. Roy seeing what was coming got out of her way as she rushed into the living room screaming. "Hayate! This is the third time this month!"

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**Otp: Well, there you have it. Short, simple, and sweet, rock on. LOL Thanks for reading. Luvs hugs and pocky for all who review cause they are much appreciated.**


	2. Swimming Pools

**Otp: Well, the mood hit me once more. LOL I hope you enjoy this one. The prompt was Swimming Pools.**

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Swimming Pools

Roy Mustang stared at his back yard deep in thought. There was just something missing and he couldn't quite place it. He ran his hand through his hair frowning. 'Let's see here…We have trees, a garden, some more random plants, but what am I missing?' he asked himself.

Not two weeks ago, Roy had finally married Riza Hawkeye and now they had just settled into their new home. It wasn't a huge house, but it was sizable. It was a four bedroom, three bath house with about two acres of land thrown into the deal. For two people, it seemed a bit much but that would change soon enough.

At the moment, Roy wasn't really concerned with that issue. No, he was more concerned about what he was going to do with all the land. He didn't like it…not occupied by something. Standing on the porch and gazing out at the vast expanse of land made Roy feel…small. He _needed_ to put something there.

'Maybe a fountain would work…' he thought scratching his chin. He shook his head. 'That doesn't work, it'd have to be one big ass fountain to fill in that kind of space,' he lapsed once again into silence.

Five minutes later, he snapped his fingers, and smirked. "HA! That's it! A swimming pool! It would take up the space and be useful during the summer heat. It's perfect!" he exclaimed and rushed back into the house to make some blueprints. He settled himself in his study surrounded by papers and pens and began to draw.

That was where Riza found him two hours later. She had gone to the store earlier and was just about finished with putting all the groceries away when she realized something. It was way to quiet and Roy was nowhere to be seen. Curious as to where her husband had disappeared to, she started off towards the study.

Upon finding him, she almost laughed. He had papers strewn all around him and he was muttering to himself. "Should I add that? …..Hmm, no that doesn't work. What if I do this…" so caught up in his own little world he hadn't noticed that she had entered the room.

'What on earth is he doing?' she wondered as she watched him flit about the room picking up one piece of paper and discarding another then moving on to another one. It was all quite amusing really. She strode forward and stopped in front of the desk and picked up one of his discarded papers.

It had a crude drawing of a pool with a swirly water slide and a diving board. "Roy, are you planning to install a pool in the back yard?" she asked looking up from the paper and at her husband.

He paused and looked up at her and blinked. "Huh? When did you get home Riza?" he asked.

She set the paper down and crossed her arms. "A while ago but you still haven't answered my question Roy. Are you planning to install a pool in the backyard?"

"Yeah, I thought it would be a good idea. I mean, I can't stand looking at all that open space. Not that I don't like it or anything, I just….I don't really know how to explain it. It just needs _something _to fill out the space," he explained, quickly turning back to his drawings.

"I see," Riza stated simply. "How big a pool are we talking about?"

Roy shrugged. "I don't know, pretty big?"

"Define 'pretty big', because I want exact measurements here," she replied frowning.

He sighed. "How does 20 by 21 ft. sound to you?" he asked, holding up another design sheet. "We can add a diving board, a slide, a wave pool, and a hot tub."

Riza regarded her husband with a skeptical look. "Are you insane? What kind of person would want to have all of that? It's absurd."

He frowned at her. "What do you mean 'it's absurd'? You would have so many things to do!" he protested. Riza replied to his argument with a glare.

"Alright, fine, I'll get rid of the wave pool. Is that more to your liking?"

She shrugged. "It's closer, but still a bit much."

"Still? You can't be serious, there's no way I'm gonna get rid of the diving board!" he said pointing to his drawing of the diving board.

"…"

"…That's not fair Riza, you know I can't argue with you when you give me that look. That's cheating," he whined.

"It's no different from the look I give you at work when you decide to laze about so I don't consider it cheating," she said with a triumphant smile.

Roy looked away and muttered something along the lines of. "Didn't think I'd get 'the look' at home too…"

Following that comment came the staring contest to end all staring contests. The moments ticked by in silence until Roy sighed and finally looked away. "Fine, you win, we'll keep the diving board and the hot tub. Does that sound fair?"

Riza smiled and gave him a quick peck on the cheek. "That sounds perfect."

Roy returned her smile. "Good, now I have one more question."

"Yes?"

"How deep do you want it?"

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**Otp: There you have it. A simple argument about standard marital stuff LOL. Thanks for reading and luvs hugs and pocky to all. Reviews are much appreciated.**


	3. Keys

**Otp: Here's another one for you guys. I hope you like this one. I think it's cute lol. Prompt is Keys and special thanks to MSD for the prompt list.**

**Disclaimer: *refer to chapter one***

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Keys

Roy Mustang waited impatiently for the babysitter to arrive. He glanced at his watch again and frowned. 'Crap, she better get here soon or Riza is gonna kill me for being late again,' he thought looking down at his son who was playing happily with his toy cars.

For a moment, Roy forgot about his current situation and thought back on what had happened in the last few years. He had married the woman of his dreams and had a wonderful son. Maes was like a mini Roy in appearance with his jet black hair. The only difference being their eye color. Maes had Riza's eyes.

He looked down at his son again who right back at him and smiled, showing off his new pearly whites. Roy had an intense urge to grab a camera but he blew it away with a frustrated sigh. 'Where the heck is Sheska? She should have been here by now…' he thought, glancing back at his watch.

This had all began earlier this morning when he was just about to head off to work. Gracia had called and said that she wouldn't be able to come over and pick up Maes because Elysia was sick. This news had forced Roy to either bring Maes to work with him or hurry and find another sitter. Thinking about this, he had decided against bringing Maes to work. Riza wouldn't like him being there. So that just left getting another sitter.

After much contemplation, Roy had decided to give Sheska a call. She had happily agreed to come and watch over Maes.

That had been fifteen minutes ago and Roy was starting to lose his patience. He had only ten minutes to get to work on time and if he was late again…Riza would…well, he didn't really want to think about what she would do. He just wanted to get to work on time.

After two more minutes had passed, Roy had just about given up hope when there was a knock on the door. He shot out of his seat and dashed to the door, pulled it open. "Finally! You know what to do, so I'll leave you to it. Thanks for coming by on such short notice. I'm off to work, bye!" he said in a rush grabbing his keys and flying out the door past a confused Sheska and down the street.

Sheska stood in the doorway for a moment, trying to figure out what had just happened. Shaking her head, she headed into the house deciding to forget what had just happened. She strode into the living room to find Maes still playing with his cars. He held one up to her, smiling, asking her to play. She happily accepted the car and they began to play.

Meanwhile, Roy had finally arrived at the office out of breath and seconds to spare. He pushed open the door and entered the office. Havoc, Breda, Falman, and Fuery looked up from their work to give him a quick salute.

Havoc glanced at the clock and grinned. "Well, would you look at that, you made it right on time. Way to go chief."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence Havoc," Roy replied walking over to his office door with a frown. The last thing he needed this morning were smart ass comment from Havoc. With a sigh he put the hectic morning behind him and pulled out his keys to unlock the door.

He tried to put the key in the lock only to find something was odd. Keys weren't supposed to feel slightly sticky. Looking down at the keys he held he withheld a groan. In his hand, he held a set of keys, but they weren't_ his_ keys. No, they were the plastic set that he and Riza had gotten for Maes to teethe on. Today was just not his day.

Roy leaned forward and let his head hit the door. Now he had to go back home and find his keys.

"Sir, is there something wrong?"

He turned to find himself looking at his wife. She stood right beside him, her arms loaded with paperwork. He sighed and leaned his head against the door once more. "Oh, nothing, just a bad morning is all."

She frowned at this and turned, setting the papers on her desk, then she set her attention back on Roy. "What do you mean? Did something happen?"

"Gracia called saying she couldn't pick Maes up because Elysia was sick so I had to call Sheska. So I waited for her to come over and before I knew it, I had about ten minutes to get to work or I'd be late. Once she got there, I grabbed my keys and rushed out the door. I arrived just in time and then I come to open the door and I realize that our son had switched my keys," he held up the plastic keys.

Riza just smiled taking the keys from him. "Well, maybe you should learn not to leave your keys in reach of a two year old. Go home and give these back to Maes then I want you to find your keys. I think I can handle things here," she said taking pity on her husband. The man may be a great father but he still had a lot to learn.

Roy sighed once more and nodded. "Alright, I'll be back soon," he said taking the keys from Riza and trudging out the door.

Riza shook her head rolling her eyes as he left and strode back over to her desk to work. She wondered idly if Roy would be back at all today. Toddlers had some of the most interesting hiding places.

In no time at all, Roy was back at the house, knocking on his own door because he didn't have his keys. Sheska answered the door and her eyes widened in surprise. "Sir! What are you doing back so soon? Did something happen?"

He shook his head and held up the keys. "Nothing like that, my son just decided to play a little trick on daddy, that's all. I'm just here to find my keys," he replied as she stepped aside to let him into the house.

Roy stepped into the living room and the second Maes saw him, the toddler stood up on shaky legs and waddled towards Roy. He knelt down and scooped the boy up into his arms and smiled. "Hey there, you've done something naughty Maes. You hid daddy's keys so where did you put them?" he asked handing his son the key ring.

The boy just gurgled in reply and began to gnaw on the keys. Roy sighed. "Guess you're not gonna answer. Okay," he turned to Sheska. "Can you watch him while I go look for my keys?"

"Sure," she said coming forward to take the child.

"Thanks," Roy said, handing Maes over to her. He turned, regarding the room before him looking for any place that a two year old might have hidden his keys. 'Let's see, any small space would be good. He may have hidden them in something too, like his crib or his toy bin,' he thought. He walked over to the toy bin and began to sift through it. He found nothing.

He moved on to look through the crib, Hayate's dog bed, the bookcase, all the drawers that were within the toddler's reach, and under the furniture but he turned up with nothing. Now he was crawling on all fours lifting the carpet and anything else that was in his way desperate to find those keys.

'Where the hell could he have hidden them? I've looked everywhere!' he cursed in his mind. He leaned back against the sofa and gazed at Maes, who was still playing with his cars. That's when something caught his eye. In the back of the truck that Maes was playing with were his keys.

Roy crawled over to his son laughing at the ridiculousness of the situation. "Maes, why do you have daddy's keys in your truck?" he asked pointing to the truck.

Maes just smiled picking up the truck. "Kiki make car go vroom," he stated moving the truck forward. Roy stared for a moment then laughed. He couldn't wait to tell Riza about his interesting day.

**Otp: There you have it. Total awesomeness LOL and cheesiness. I love cheese. Luvs hugs pocky and cheese to all! Reviews are much appreciated.**


	4. Spork

**Otp: This one isn't as good as the other one but whatever, I hope you enjoy it!**

**Disclaimer: Refer to chapter 3**

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Spork

Roy Mustang stared at the object he held in his hand. It mystified and confused him. He couldn't work out why it had been made or for what purpose it had been created. It didn't make sense to him. It was a mix of two completely different things that in all honesty, he thought didn't work well at all.

"Who invented the spork?" he asked aloud.

The other occupants of the office looked up from their work to stare at him.

"Why do you want to know sir?" Fuery asked.

Roy shrugged. "I'm curious to know why somebody would even come up with such an odd contraption. I don't see why it's so popular."

"It's popular because people can use it both as a spoon and a fork without having to bother with two utensils," Riza replied calmly from her desk.

Frowning, Roy twirled the spork between his fingers. "But why? I don't understand why you would use a spork when it doesn't work as well as a spoon or a fork."

"I don't think it matters. I mean look at it this way, you have a bowl of chicken noodle soup and you don't like the chicken. It's hard for you to eat the noodles with a spoon but you like the broth. The solution to this problem is to have something that's like a fork yet has the capabilities of a spoon at the same time. That is why you have a spork," Riza explained.

"Why would somebody get chicken noodle soup if they didn't like the chicken. That makes no sense," Roy protested.

Breda chuckled. "I think you're missing the point here, Colonel. There are things that only the spork can do that forks and spoons can't."

Roy didn't look the slightest bit convinced. Havoc shrugged and picked up the spoon he was using for his pudding. "I see where the Colonel is coming from. Why would you use a spork when you can't do this with it," he licked the spoon and placed it on his nose where it stuck there.

Breda and Fuery laughed and Riza rolled her eyes. She was truly surrounded by idiots who didn't have anything better to do than contemplate the usefulness of sporks.

Roy hadn't even noticed what Havoc had said he was still glaring at the spork almost willing it to divulge its secrets. Of course, he wasn't getting any reaction and that didn't help him any. After a few more moments of intense glaring, he stood up. He grabbed a clipboard and drew a line down the middle. He wrote 'Spork' at the top of one of the columns and 'Fork/Spoon' on the other.

Then he turned to his subordinates. "Alright, what do you prefer, sporks or forks and spoons?" he asked.

They stared and Havoc looked at him like he was crazy. "Are you serious?" he asked.

"Dead serious, now answer the question," he replied.

He got no reply from any of them. He sighed and turned to look at Riza. "Lt. Hawkeye, which do you prefer, sporks or forks and spoons?"

Riza held his gaze for a fleeting second before looking away shaking her head. "Sir, this is ridiculous and I refuse to answer your question."

Roy's eyes narrowed. "I don't think you have a choice in the matter Lt., now answer the question."

"No."

"I order you to answer the question."

"And that is abusing your power."

"And you're ignoring your commanding officer's direct order."

"That's right."

"…I could have you court marshaled for insubordination."

"I don't think they'd agree that it was insubordination when they find out the reason, sir."

"…"

"Sir, which do you prefer, sporks or forks and spoons?" Riza countered.

Roy paused. "Why are you asking me the same question I asked you?"

She shrugged."Just thought I'd ask since you seemed so interested in the usefulness of sporks."

He remained silent and this grabbed the attention of the others. Havoc grinned. "Come on chief, answer her question. We're dying from the suspense."

Roy shot Havoc a glare and strode back to his desk and slumped into the chair grumbling all the while. Riza just smiled and began to work once more. Roy on the other hand gave the spork one more cursory glance and muttered. "I hate sporks…"

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**Otp: Sporks have actually always confused me....Anyways, luvs hgus and pocky to all and reviews are much appreciated so until next time, laters!!!**


	5. Binoculars

**Otp: This was just one of those really random ideas. If anyone would like to share with me if they have ever done this prank before, please tell me cause I would love to try it. HA!**

**Disclaimer: Please refer to chapter 4**

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Binoculars

Jean Havoc and Heymans Breda sat across from each other in the mess hall. In front of them was a small can of black paint and a paint brush

Havoc looked down at the supplies, smiling. "Everything looks to be in order," he looked up. "Do you have their schedule?"

Breda nodded and pulled out a notepad from his pocket. "Got it all right here," he replied with a smirk.

"Perfect, we have all the necessary items so let's put plan 'Black eye' into motion," Havoc said and they quickly gathered up the items and dashed out of the room.

Once they arrived at the office door, Havoc put his ear to the door. Nothing but beautiful silence. He turned to Breda and gave him the thumbs up and they quietly entered the room. Their gaze swept across the room and finally landed upon their target, a pair of binoculars perched on the corner of the Colonel's desk.

"You ready?" Breda asked holding out the can of paint and brush.

Havoc gently picked up the binoculars and smirked. "Hell yeah, now gimme that paint. We don't have much time before they get back."

"Right," and Breda handed Havoc the paint and they quickly set about painting the rims of the binoculars with the black paint. That done, they replaced the binoculars back on the desk making sure nothing looked out of place and they dashed out of the room.

Later on that day:

Roy Mustang and Riza Hawkeye were sitting in their car on a steak out mission. They were ordered to watch a tavern that was frequented by an escaped criminal. They were there just to see if the guy would be stupid enough to come to one of his well known hang outs after escaping prison.

Roy sighed. "This is so boring, why were we the ones assigned to this case?" he asked.

Riza shrugged. "I have no idea, sir," she replied, her eyes glued on the tavern entrance.

He remained silent for a few more moments then he let out a dramatic sigh slouching in his seat. Riza's eyes flicked towards him before they returned to regard the tavern once more. "Is something the matter sir?"

"Yes, I'm really bored," he replied.

"You know, you didn't have to accept this mission. You should have thought this through rather than think of it as a convenient way to get out of paperwork," She said calmly.

"Yeah, well, I didn't know that this would be even more boring than doing my paperwork," he grumbled leaning against the window.

"Too bad…hand me the binoculars, I think I see him," She said pointing to a man slowly making his way to the tavern.

Roy ignored her request and took the binoculars and brought them up to his face and focused on the man she had mentioned. "I think you're right, Lieutenant. Let's go get him," he said pulling the binoculars away from his face and tossing them into the back of the car. He pushed open his door and stepped out of the car quickly followed by Riza on the other side.

They made their way over to the man and stepped in front of him. He paused and Roy held up a gloved hand. "Brent Hanes, you can't escape prison and think that you can get away scot free. Now, we can do this the easy way or the hard way…" Roy stated firmly.

Brent glared at Roy only to suddenly burst out laughing pointing at Roy's face. "You look like an owl!"

Roy's face faulted. "What are you talking about?" he turned to Riza. "Is there something on my face?" he asked.

Riza's eyes widened in shock and then she snorted in laughter. "Sir…I think somebody messed with your binoculars," she said her hand covering her mouth to hide her smile.

His eyes narrowed in annoyance. "What do you mean by that?"

She held up her gun so he could see his reflection. Roy looked down at his reflection and growled. "What the hell?" he reached up and touched one of the rings of black paint that surrounded his eyes. He pulled his hand away and stared at his now stained gloves his eyes wide. There was only one explanation for this.

Roy clenched his fists. "Havoc! I swear I'm going to kill you!" he shouted even though he knew that the target wouldn't hear him.

Back at HQ:

Havoc sat quietly working when he felt like he should be fearing for his life.

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**Otp: HA! Poor Havoc. Thanks for reading luvs hugs and pocky to all and reviews are much appreciated.**


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